Season 4. Episode 6. Talking with Sarah Moore, Women's Leadership Coach and Author of "Full of Herself"

Sarah T. Moore -- Women's Leadership Coach

Speaking with Sarah was like falling off a log. She puts you at ease right away and has so much wisdom to share. I can see that she must be a great coach!

My favorite part of a story is when someone learns something and then decides to pass it on to others. This always warms my heart. Sarah has made it her mission to help women rediscover their true selves and live in authenticity, fully expressing their gifts.

Sarah has spent 11+ years coaching women at every level of an organization from Senior Executives to Emerging Leaders, from start-ups to global brands. Her varied background in industries such as retail, journalism, and oil and gas, and extensive years living abroad, all have one thing in common; most every decision was born out of passion and purpose.

She says: "With that in mind, the bottom line is, I'm coaching women to know what they want, to have the courage to say it, and pursue it. I want women to feel even more confident, to speak up in meetings and board rooms with ease, to communicate effectively in all of their relationships, to feel comfortable in their own skin, and to be seen as one heck of a leader."

Phone: 484.685.6360

Full of Herself Honor Line: 614.887.7676To 

Sarah's website:
https://www.mooresoulsessions.com

To get Sarah's book "Full of Herself:"
https://www.mooresoulsessions.com/getmybook

Her Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/moore.soul.sessions

Her Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/sarah.tonnermoore

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Original music "Saturday Sway" by Brendan Talian

Transcript

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Hello, you've reached the storied human podcast hosted by me Lynne Thompson. Each week I share a story, either an interview with someone fascinating, or a short solo from me. I love your stories, and I learned so much from them. Hopefully you will, too. So welcome. If you are new here, I'm so happy to have you. If you are a returning listener, many thanks. So here it is the next episode of the storied human. Today's interview is with Sarah Moore. She's a life and leadership coach who helps women find the audacity to fall in love with who they are. Born in the US. She spent time in England before returning to the US where she went to college and met her husband Preston, her new book full of herself is available from Amazon, or on her website more soul sessions.com/get My book, and that's more o r e soul sessions.com. Okay, so you left the job. And Preston got a really good job to pay the bills. Right. I love that. I think that's an amazing sign of a partner support. So what happened after that? I began this coaching journey, Lynne, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. The thing that surprised me the most is I thought I was gonna go to learn how to be a coach. When I did my training program, what I realized was really happening was I was being changed from the inside out. Yeah, because in order to learn how to apply these skills and tools, I had to apply them to myself first. And so it was the most wonderful year I think my years in 12 Step leading up to that prepared me just enough to be able to walk through some of the things I learned about myself. And then I also realized, Oh, I guess well, if I want to keep coaching, I'm probably going to need to start my own business because getting hired as a coach even today is very challenging, let alone 12 years ago. Yeah, it was still new, right? Yeah, yeah, very new. I mean, I remember going to networking events and saying I'm a coach, and people would say great, what sport or you know, or I'd say, I'm a life coach. And so what is that? Yeah. You know, I often think that's interesting. Because today, rarely, rarely, if ever, somebody asked me, What's a life coach or a leadership coach, or even confused me for, you know, playing a sport. And I think it's got to be a combination of two things. One, coaching has come some way. And I think that COVID also sped up the focus on mental health and coaching and advanced our industry a few years. And secondly, maybe the part that's more interesting to me is, that's got to be a reflection of who I am in the world. You know, I was still so young, I'm, I'm still kind of faking it till I made it. I still had some of that. Am I really old enough and experienced enough to be able to help you. Plus, I tended to attract clients who were older than me, because I am an old soul. And today, you know, 12 years later experiences just a wonderful gift. I feel so comfortable in my own skin. And I've had such a varied experiences in the coach that that's just not something that comes up. But yeah, I've, I've committed to growing my skill set and my brand, the thing that's kicked my butt the most is how to run a business skill set to being a coach. Yeah, I was an English major, I always was terrified at that part of the business. I always loved the idea of having a business. But that part like the marketing and the sale, it really scared me. I actually have a brother who's a really successful entrepreneur, and he's just taught himself how to be a good marketer, but I don't think most people enjoy that, like the passion that they start their business with is about what they love to do. And then they have to learn those other things. And it's hard. I think I've been I'm someone who's hard on myself anyway, that's something I'm constantly unlearning. And so I think I had really unrealistic expectations of what it took to build and grow and how long that would take. So I was constantly feeling bad that I wasn't doing enough or I wasn't bigger than I was, or my email list wasn't bigger. And actually, in writing my book, I really got to reflect on life kicked. I just didn't know it at the time, because I was at step II totally arbitrary letter, thinking I should already be it's that, yes, if I could have just loved step II for what it was, everything was a win, and or a learning. And in that sense, really a win. So good that you wrote the book, and were able to look at things, look back on things and learn. I'm very struck by your bravery at all these different points. Like it takes a lot to look at yourself in those ways. And the best coaches do, but that's not an easy journey. That's self discovery, and self examination. Did you find that difficult when you first had to do those sorts of things? I think it's always come naturally to me to be very, I was gonna say, Yeah, I remember when I was 16. In high school, I went to Costa Rica for six weeks with a group of us at school. And we all got a nickname. And mine was honest. I just didn't know how to harness that honesty. I think that's, that's been the harder journey for me, I think. Because on the outside, I appeared quite confident and ballsy. And let's go for it and doing all these exciting things. On the inside, though, I felt quite broken and fragile and unsure. And so I would often use my honesty in a way that didn't bring people together. It sort of created tension, it was more of a Oh, look at me, because I want to be the best. And I want you to see what I'm doing. And so I've done a lot of work they're maturing into, I don't have to prove a thing. You know, I'm worthy as I am. Sometimes it still comes out and I can see it so quickly. I mean, I can feel it in my body the dissonance like, Oh, that is icky. And yeah, I love what you said, you know, I think the most effective coaches or sort of, I'm gonna say helpers, I don't always love that word. But people who are doing something similar to coaching, are those that are doing the work themselves. Oh, yeah, it shows it really does. It shows. And it's not easy, but it makes you first of all, it's wonderful to just enjoy yourself as a full person, but then to be able to share that. So I have a question. I've been dying to ask you. How do you know when it's time to write a book? How do you know that? I can speak for myself. I knew it was the time. And actually, I think my answer will stand true to maybe anything that we want to do. Just in this case, it happens to be a book is if it's it was bubbling for a while. I'd envisaged for 20 plus years wanting to write a book. And finally it came to a point where it was hurting me more than it was it was hurting me more not to write something. Ah, yes. It was like I passed that, like a tipping point where I felt regretful or achy that I wasn't working on it, even though I still wasn't sure what it was. And so I think that's, I think that's a wonderful marker. And back to my answer to your very first question. We have to be doing the work to be able to have the awareness to know that there's an error or a dissonance or we've reached the tipping point, right? Yeah. Yeah. That awareness of self, what you said in the very beginning, I just loved it. Because you said, I have a set of practices, and I stay consistent, and I follow them. And when I don't, you know, I can feel chaotic, and I can. I think that's really important for people to understand. I hear it often actually, that all of us have these things all of us fall into these old behaviors. It's just that people that have the practices, like you had said just a little bit before to that we recognize when we're not there a little more quickly. Like it's not like I'm perfect now, but I see the progress is and I was talking to a good friend about this. I said to her Okay, I'm a little more enlightened, I think I'm a little more positive, whatever. But really, all I can notice for sure, is that I noticed quickly when I'm out of sort of calibration, I noticed it more quickly. And I am not perfect, but I grabbed myself and say, Now let's get back on the path, you know. And what I hear in some of your conversation, too, is that battle with ego. Because when we're young, it's about our ego, and about how important we are and about, we can never have enough the ego can never have enough, right? It can never have enough fame, it can never have a big enough house, we can never have enough money, we can never be important enough. Like you said, You were never doing enough. Like that's something every woman I think can relate to. We're constantly pushing ourselves because we're never quite good enough. And that's like the ego thing that I, you know, study a lot and hear a lot about. And I just had to share a wonderful thing that I found through my podcast is, I mean, I'm working hard on my ego, it's still, you know, raises its ugly head. But one of the most wonderful experiences I've had with this podcast is I listen back because I'm a talker, and I love to talk, obviously, I listened back to the interview, and sometimes I'll hear myself talking, and it's kind of interesting, but it goes on a little too long. And I just go, nope, that's gotta go. And I cut myself out. And I cannot tell you, I laugh when the first time I did this, I laughed. And I said, Okay, we haven't made progress, because we are precious words out. And we get a kick out of it instead of being upset. And you know, what's so beautiful about that? Usually, I'll talk about because I don't like think about what I'm going to say next, or what you said, I just tried to stay in the moment, I think that makes the best interview. And so what happens is, I will just go on and on, right? Like somebody will say something exciting, and I'll just start talking. But it never is wasted. I cut it out. But the thing that person said after that is usually beautiful. So I've learned such a lesson about humility, and about the rewards of working on your ego. Podcast. Isn't that crazy? That it's a tremendously wonderful story. I feel like I'm gonna keep that with me. Oh, I just love like that physical representation of, of the joy of cutting out your own voice. Two things two that come to mind when one is love sharing? Because you get it? Yeah, totally. The best definition of ego I've heard to date is edging God out. Oh, my gosh, I love that. Oh, my gosh, God. That's, you know, that's where you're always going to get into trouble. I hear that in so many different ways. Like when you cut off your connection to Source, you cut off your connection to God, you think you know better, you're not connected to the universe or the you know, however you define the Creator, then you're mentally ill, eventually you're mentally ill, because you're not connected to everybody else. You're not connected to God. And they talk about that in a lot. And it's a really good point. But gosh, I never heard that before edging God out. I'm gonna have to write that one down and hold that close to my heart. But especially for me, who's always used the gift of gab to make my way through the world. I thought this was such a moment. It looks such a growth moment. Yeah, it really is. There really is. Thank you for sharing that with me. Well, thanks for receiving it. But the tell me about the book because it's got an audacious title. I love the energy of it. How did you come to that title? How did you scope out what it would be? It was given to me. I was talking to a wonderful woman who's a writer and an editor about wanting to write my book. And I was scared about writing the book because I knew I had something to say I just didn't really know what the shape of it was. And I was talking to her about maybe getting some coaching from her some writing coaching to help me go and as I was describing, what I wanted to write, which is really a whole bunch of personal stories, my life experiences mixed in with the coaching tools that I love the most and share with my clients. She said, You know, you really ought to call it full of herself. And I just went, oh my god, I think I did that more on the inside actually than the outside. And you know what was so lovely about that? We never ended up working together. But she gave me such a gift. And then with my team I have three amazing women who work on the morsel fashions team and we were talking Think about, like, what is our mission? And this was just, this was just like foundation building for the brand less than a year ago, like, what are we about? What are we here to do? And out of me in a moment, I'd already written the book at this point. And it was it, the editing process was well underway. I just wrote this finding the audacity to love who you are. And people are really hooked on to the word or dasa t that I didn't think much about when I wrote it. I just loved the sentence as a whole. And realizing that, that to our last point about ego and God and edging God out, but what brings me closest to my spirit and the spirit that's greater than me, all these set of practices that we were talking about, journaling, meditation movement, some kind of breath, work, sitting quietly, or a whole combination of things. When I do those consistently, I am able to find the audacity to love who I am, because there's a sense of flow, and alignment. So after we wrote it as a mission statement, I was like, Guys, I think this is the subtitle of the book. And so that was how it came to be. It was meant to be I just love the I love the feeling of how connected it all was. And there's something that I'm thinking about. When you do that, right. When you keep those that mindfulness, those mindfulness practices and you, you stay centered, you're able to hear those whispers, you're able to be connected, you're able to be in line. And the most beautiful thing about what you're giving people with this book, in my opinion, is that you're reminding people that you were not sent here, you did not come here as a soul to hide. Because that's not being very nice to God, God didn't send you here to be like less than you are. God sent you here to be who you are. And to use it to your full ability. And a lot of us run around, I always think of that little Sunday school song is called, you know, This little light of mine that came up so much when I started this journey with the podcast. And we, we talked a lot about mindfulness. I was in a wonderful class with women. And it was it was about podcasting. But it was also about having that audacity having that bravery to move forward. And I kept hearing that because I was I went to church for a long time when I was little. And it's this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. And you say, hide, and all little kids go hide it under a bushel, no, I'm gonna let it shine. And it just came back to me after all these years, because that's what God or source or the universe, that's what the creator wants you do. Like, it took me a really long time to figure that out. And I'm really glad I know it now. Because you're not supposed to be shy or think you have forever, right? You have gifts that only you can give. And I keep hearing this. I'm so lucky to talk to so many beautiful people that remind me of this. Like, we have to keep on that path of mindfulness and keeping in alignment so that we can be who we're supposed to be who we really are. It's a beautiful message. And I love your line right there with it. You're you're right in line with it. Yeah. And that's a service because women especially they don't they don't they hide. And they they're other focused, you know, still I see a lot of women. Yeah. Yeah, really, really, you know, leaning into that. And trusting that is the work every day. And I also really believe it with every fiber of my being that I am providing a service. And I think that's what keeps me inspired and keeps me going. I had two little thoughts. One is, I don't know, I don't know from a copyright perspective, but that song could be your intro or your outro to the podcast. This little louder, man. Oh, I'm gonna let it shine. Yeah, you're gonna crack up. You know what my intro is right now. It's a it's a, a totally unique song written for me by my son. It's like a Brazilian guitar intro. Yep, he wrote it just for me. Oh, I'll have to listen. That sounds sort of leave it in there. But yeah, I love that idea that you're just you're on fire. I want to say one thing about hiding. Thank you for that gift to you know, God didn't send you here to hide or you're not here to hide. When we talk about these practice This is for getting centered and getting aligned, which I believe in so much. One of my favorite leadership tenets is learning doesn't come from experience, it comes from reflecting on the experience. You know, it is true that learning comes from experience. Your greatest reflection, though, comes from reflecting. And that's what all of these practices are. They're reflecting on, how did I show up? What's going on in this chaotic mind of mine? And how can I sort through some of that, so I can make the next decision with greater clarity, which means I can trust myself in the process. And I truly, truly believe that humility, we've got it wrong, we think of humility as sort of being small and being deferential and, and it's sort of this quiet, polite thing. And I think humility is big and bold, because it's not hiding. It's being exactly who God wants us to be. And God doesn't want us to be small. He wants us to be full, not not arrogant, not taking over, not pushing people out of the way. But that feeling of fullness, which can look big and confident, it can also look like shy and quiet. What's and everything in between. And what's most important is that it's a reflection of the truest version of ourselves in that moment. And so that a friend, and I sort of came up with that definition of humility, and it rocks my boat, I just love it. And it helps me tap into a larger version of myself and take up some space. So one more question. And I am wondering this, where did you get this? Like, is this Are you like your mom? Like your dad? Was there someone influential like a grandma in your life? Could you take after? Nothing comes to mind? I mean, I've been influenced by those people tremendously. I think my husband is a massive influence. I met him when I was 22. I mean, just a little fledgling. Yeah. And I also think what what comes to mind in this moment, is, I think I've always been very sensitive. I've felt a lot of things deeply. I think both of my parents do too. And also when addiction is in the midst. That's the first thing to go because it's survival at all costs. Yeah. So I think a deep yearning to connect with that sensitive part of myself and love sensitivity, think of it as a compliment, rather than, you know, something that's negative has also been a driving force for me. I love that. Yeah. And sometimes our parents weren't able to be who they were, for whatever reason, like you said, and so you're discovering, you know, I can use the gifts that maybe they had, that they didn't fully express. What I'm still shocked at, though, is how young you guys were and how was you were for your age? Because I gotta tell you, honey, when I was 22. What's happening? Yeah, I'll take it. Thanks. Yeah, it's really impressive. But a lot of people go through that and don't turn around and help others. So I just, I love the whole, one of my favorite kinds of stories. You take what you learn, and you grow, and then you share, like, there's nothing better, nothing better. Oh, when I wanted to say one tiny thing about sensitivity, because I'm super sensitive. And so someone else in my household. So I did a an online quiz. And I read some research and it said something really interesting. I love always when there's an anthropological or archaeological reason for something. And the theory is that the sensitive people survived, because they smelled the fire first. They heard the enemy coming first. They they could they smelled the poison in the flower first. They were useful. And so we, you know, however, natural selection works, sensitive people kept being born. And so I now think of it as a superpower. Ah, amen. Amen. Sister. explanation. Is there anything else you would like to share with my listeners, anything that we might not have brought up? Something you mentioned earlier about women, especially being other focused. One of the questions I love to talk with my clients about and I'm using it all the time is what do I think? Yeah. It's such a simple question. And it's so powerful in the context of, I'm trying to earn your approval, which is the definition of perfectionism. I want you to like me, I'm trying to people, please and be a helper, which is so worshipped, and has such an underside that we're not talking about enough. And so I think this question of, well, what do I think about? And some of the pushback I'll get is, well, Sarah, if I knew what I thought about it, I'd already be doing it right. I don't know what I think. And I'll say, give yourself the gift of getting quiet enough, this is back to these practices, something will come through that feels true. Even if it's, I don't know. That's incredible information. Because what that means is in that moment, we can let go, we can put it aside because there's nothing out there. There's nothing to do right now. If we don't know, keep going with our daily lives, and then trust that something will pop up in another moment. So I think I think that that can be a great question to start asking oneself, especially if you struggle with people pleasing, and looking to others for your sense of self. I think that's super helpful for almost every woman I know, I know, I still fall into the people pleasing thing. And I did read something recently that said, it kind of terrified me, actually, because I had a couple of autoimmune diseases. And I've had some, I had Lyme disease. And from there, I had Hashimotos, people sometimes get thyroid disease after Lyme disease. So I had a series of diseases, I was kind of ill for a couple of years, and I read that that's connected to holding back your feelings and stuffing stuff down and always pleasing others. And I was like, really do I have to. But it makes so much sense. So I really feel like a lot of people, sometimes you have to have a little distance from that thing that you went through, you look back on it, and you get it. And so for me right now, I'm really getting it, you know, and I'm, like totally able to see it for what it was to see a lot of things just, you know, several years back to really look at it in a different way. And so that question becomes important too, because you don't just look at it in this canned way. Like, sometimes I think we describe things like especially in a family unit, we describe things, we tell a story about something, and it's neat and clean, and we never examined it. When we get older, we look at it. And we're like, well, is that really the way it was? You know, like we all tell each other like, we're hardworking family and everything we do is great or what, you know, whatever we tell each other. And I think I told myself that I was just not handling thing. I don't know, I blamed myself somehow, for for a lot of the issues I had now I look back and go, well, there was a lot of stuff going on. And I look at it more. I asked myself, well, what do I think in a way that I did? I didn't before. It's very powerful. What you said, very powerful. That's it. That's it right there. Yeah. So I'm so happy I had this. I feel like it was just such a gift to talk to you. And we got to go all over the place. But I also feel really happy to share your information with with my listeners in the show notes. I'm going to you know, how is the best way to get your book. I wanted to mention that. Yeah, it's currently available on Amazon or at Barnes and noble.com. Good and so you can order it there. If you'd also like a signed copy, and a little bonus gift inside you can go to our website more soul sessions.com and buy the book right from there and we'll send it right to you. Okay, so I'm going to put that in that more so more soul sessions.com Good sign copy would be fun. And that was a great, great interview. I can't even thank you enough. Thank you. You're a natural this I love chatting with you. Well, I really like it.